Building walls

by Bryan Golden

 Building mental and emotional walls is a common occurrence.  We are used to living with physical walls so this progression is an easy transition.  Furthermore, it’s a conditioned response that we learn from others as well as a result of our own experiences.

There are a variety of reasons people build these virtual walls.  They want to keep undesirable things out.  They have a desire to prevent loss.  They don’t want someone to leave.  Walls may create a feeling of security.  They offer a sense of protection.  Walls are constructed as a result of fear, uncertainty, or vulnerability.

There are those who put up walls as a show of power.  Only select people are allowed to cross their boundaries.  This process allows them to feel as if they wield power over others by deciding who to exclude.

Some build walls to mark their territory.  This approach mimics a child’s strategy of drawing an imaginary line around them in order to keep their siblings “off their side.”

Walls may be in response to a sensitivity that one wants to avoid.  The goal is to keep out any real or imagined emotional threats.  It is an attempt to avoid repeating unpleasant experiences.

Regardless of the reason for building virtual walls, their ultimate impact is to hold you back.  Virtual walls are constraining, offering only an illusion of security.  They are a defensive strategy which inhibits your personal growth.

Limiting beliefs such as, “I can’t,” “I won’t,” or “It’s impossible,” build walls.  Conversely, believing, “I can,” “I will,” or “I’ll find a way,” tears down virtual walls.  These walls are built based on your attitude.  Dismantling them requires a change in outlook.  You have the power to adjust your thoughts, and therefore can decide to remove your walls.

Virtual walls grow over time.  Ironically, most people aren’t aware of the walls they have put in place.  They are so conditioned to their existence that the walls become integrated into their self-identity.  Since these walls are so limiting, dismantling them opens up new potential for you.

Since your virtual walls take time to build, they also require time to tear down.  Rather than becoming overwhelmed by the task, start by removing just one brick.  Continue brick by brick until the wall is gone.  Each brick represents one aspect of your wall.

Don’t empower fear.  It doesn’t matter what other people say, think, or do.  Get over your fears by doing what you are afraid to do and going where you are afraid to go.  Walls cannot keep out fear.

You are in control of your emotions.  You have no control over the actions of others, but you do have control over your response.  You stay safe through the proactive management of your feelings.  Walls will never ensure happiness.

Utilize your strengths.  Appreciate everything you have.  Concentrate on abundance rather than worrying about what you think is lacking.  You have more to be thankful for than you realize.  Walls do prevent you from attracting positive elements into your life.

Walls do not define who you are.  Your character is based on your beliefs, attitudes, morals, and ethics.  Your character can never be stolen or lost.

Tearing down walls is scary because change is required.  Learn from your past.  Repeat actions that brought desired results while avoiding unsuccessful behavior.  Correct bad decisions by making better ones.  As your walls vanish, you will enjoy an amazing view that used to be obscured by your self-imposed banishment within your virtual walled prison.

Bryan is the author of “Dare to Live Without Limits.”  Contact Bryan at Bryan@columnist.com or visit http://www.DareToLiveWithoutLimits.com