Anxiety

by Tracy Renee Lee

Most people do not expect anxiety to be a consequence of loss.  After 20 years in the funeral profession, I have come to realize that anxiety is a natural response to loss.

Whenever a person undergoes change, anxiety rears itself.  A few examples of experiences that cause anxiety would be moving, changing jobs, starting school, taking tests, divorce, loss, and other things that cause a change in your life.  Loss is the ultimate life changer and therefore, naturally causes anxiety.

I have a dear friend who lost her husband a few years ago.  Even though her husband left her with multiple retirements, social security, and a generous amount of insurance, she was very anxious about her future.  It took her about 3 years to finally feel somewhat relaxed and secure in her life.

ANXIETY IS OUR RESPONSE

TO FEAR

With death, our fear is generally caused by our insecurity about our future.  I suggest that you might concentrate on planning your future as quickly as you are able.  Figure out your financial situation and put into place steps to solidify your future financial needs.  Some may need to reenter the job market, or depending on your age, stay where you are. Others may simply need to set up a budget and hold to it.  Whatever your financial situation, examine it and plan for your future.

Your fears may not encompass financial worries. You may be fearful of being alone or living too far away from your children. Whatever your fears are, address them and organize a plan to manage them.

Anxiety is common among the bereaved. 

A survivor may fear that without the support of the deceased, they will perish. 

This may create a heightened sense of personal death awareness. 

As one’s skills adjust to the absence of their loved one, so too should anxiety.

In the interim, survivors may find comfort in consulting a grief expert. (Mourning Lights, 2022)

ANXIETY IS HEIGHTENED

BY WORRY

Worry robs you of your strength and your ability to maintain calm and complete thoughts.  If left unaddressed, worry can lead to ailments that can negatively impact your health.

Worry exacerbates fatigue and grief.

If you are experiencing the phases of grief, chances are, your unwelcome companion is worry.

Since worry exacerbates your experience, it can be a good practice to address your worries sooner rather than later.

If you find that your level of functionality interferes with your ability to settle logically your worries with sound and calming strategies, a trusted friend or experienced counselor might be able to assist you. (Mourning Lights, 2022)

ANXIETY IS BROUGHT ON

BY GUILT OR REGRET

 If you have unfinished business with the decedent, or if your experiences together have left you with intense insecurities, seek to settle these issues immediately. Analyze the cause of your feelings and take immediate action to rectify them.

GUILT

Guilt is common among survivors. 

Usually, guilt is equated to something that did or did not transpire in connection to the death. 

Guilt is generally irrational and dissipates itself through reality adjustments. 

If guilt is justifiably connected to death, intervention counseling should be engaged as soon as possible. (Mourning Lights, 2022)

There are proven methods one can employ to lessen anxiety.

When it comes to loss, it seems to me that the greatest contributor to anxiety is the unknown.  The fact that one’s future is suddenly uncertain is disconcerting.

Grief counseling can assist you in developing coping skills.

These skills will help you organize your worries and incorporate successful anxiety management strategies.

PSYCHOTHERAPY

For complicated grief, psychotherapy is sometimes warranted.

Counseling can help a survivor identify unhealthy habits and encourage positive growth. 

It can yield a recovery plan that the survivor is unable to identify, implement, and accomplish on his or her own.   (Mourning Lights, 2022)

Support is one of the most important aspects of anxiety recovery.

Widows in particular need the support of others when experiencing the insecurities of anxiety.

HELPLESSNESS

Widows, in particular, experience feelings of helplessness. 

It is not uncommon for widows to suffer such feelings for an extended period of time. 

Family and friends play an important rehabilitative role during this period of insecurity. 

This role may be minimal, as in morale encouragement. 

It may, however, be extensive and require a more hands-on approach, leading up to and including daily functional participation.  (Mourning Lights, 2022)

ALLOW OTHERS TO HELP

Some of your best advice will come from someone who has already experienced loss and recovery. Family and friends who love and care for you are willing and want to help you through this most difficult time in your life.  Allow them to be there for you and assist you through the loneliness, fear, anxiety, and worries of loss. Doing so will lighten your burdens and help you return to a place where peace can push away your anxieties.

Tracy Renee Lee is a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. She writes books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. She is the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.

For additional encouragement, please visit my podcast “Deadline” at https://open.spotify.com/show/7MHPy4ctu9OLvdp2JzQsAA or at https://anchor.fm/tracy874 and follow me on Instagram at “Deadline_TracyLee”.