Forgiving and forgetting

I was thinking the other day about a certain family member with whom the scales are decidedly out of balance to the tune of thousands of dollars in his favor. It’s been more than a year since I last saw him even though he has been in this locale several times during that period of time. Occasionally his image pops up in my consciousness, and negative thoughts fill my mind of what I’d like to say to him.

Then a strange realization creeps in under the blackness of that bitterness, and the question arises — Do you think he’s giving you a thought? I hope so, I think to myself. But then a follow up question bangs me on the head — Why should he?

Of course, dialoguing with oneself may cause those around you to contemplate one’s mental condition in a negative light, but that dialog may be the most intelligent conversation one has all day. It certainly fills the time more constructively than that which would otherwise likely be spent in discussions about the weather, Joe’s declining faculties, or the last doctor visit and the pain that brought that visit to pass.

So, how do I deal with someone who “despitefully used me,” and why is that experience so painful. It occurred to me that there are those who deal with that problem all the time. Anyone who deals with goods and services with the public has what in business is called “bad debt,” that is money owed them by those who have used their services or products and have not paid, nor is the settlement of the owed amount likely to be accomplished.

So, I asked a businessman how he dealt with such a case. He said, “I don’t give it a second thought because every minute I think about that, I can’t think about the wonderful things I have in my life: my family and friends, a business that makes me look forward to each day when morning comes, and a community that cares for its citizens.”

He was right. I found that I can’t give an ungrateful, disrespectful relative a minute of negative thought without stealing that minute from a much more useful purpose. There’s probably a Scriptural admonition about this very situation, but to think of that would be to put his face on something that is ever so much more important — I can’t forget it until I forgive it.